Can I Start Drinking Again After 35 Years of Sobriety

Booze has always been role of my life…

…the attraction of my parents drinking Manhattans with glistening cherries.

…the priest drinking "the blood of Christ."

…high school keg parties every weekend at the home of whomever'south parents were out of boondocks.

…college binge drinking (most weekends, someone from the dorms was hauled off to the ER for a stomach pump).

…Happy Hours after piece of work (that began on Fridays, then extended to Thursdays, and eventually leaked over to Wednesdays).

…vacations (England: pubs!, Hawaii: umbrella drinks!, Napa: wine tasting!).

…champagne for any celebration, beer for any beach run a risk.

…pouring a glass of wine, or grabbing a beer from the fridge, as the get-go ahhhhhhh afterwards a long day.

One of my boyfriends took a cooler of beer with him wherever we went. He could open a canteen on the steering wheel.

My commencement husband home brewed beer.

My wife (marriage number ii) and I loved pubs. We drank wine and beer at home virtually nights. We decided multiple times to "take a break." We'd pour the vino and beer down the drain—or give information technology to someone—and in just a few days it would sneak dorsum into our house similar a kid into her parents' bed.

Five years ago, I started dating Dave, who rarely drinks. I had never spent as much time around another person who didn't treat booze. It made him sleepy. He'd sometimes drink a Guinness or nurse a glass of crimson wine at dinner with friends. But generally, information technology wasn't his thing. He didn't care what, how, or if I drank.

When I underwent brain surgery two years agone, I didn't drink for 2 months. I thought of it every bit temporary. I longed for my cold glass of chardonnay and frothy IPA and was happy when I got them back.

But and then something happened when we were living in Mexico.

I suddenly became less tolerant of the next-day malaise that accompanied even only a drinkable or two. And the headaches. I'd always thought booze gave me a lift, but when I began to really look at it, I realized the lift lasted well-nigh one-half an hour—and and then the only way to keep it going was to have another. Otherwise, like Dave, I'd get sleepy.

I wanted to do yoga, and write, and do my writing coaching work, and take long walks, and explore Baja feeling my best. I was curious if living without booze would improve my life. I mean, just truly erasing drinking as a possibility.

What would it experience like?

Who would I exist without it?

Could I really change my habitual, socialized drinking habits?

It seemed like an adventure to endeavor.

It's been five months since I decided to commence on the Year of Living Drinklessly. It'southward been fascinating to sit in that space betwixt wanting a drink and non having one. Perching in that margin between, "Ah, a beer sounds good" and taking a sip of sparkling water.

I've become more and more aware of all the associations I have with booze:

That information technology makes me happy.

That it's a celebratory thing.

That merely deadening people don't potable.

That it's the lifeblood of fun.

That it helps me relax.

That it helps me cope.

Also, information technology'southward sophisticated! Expect at those Europeans and their elegant sidewalk cafes! (A friend once said to me that the French don't trust anyone who doesn't drink.)

At present I tin can encounter that:

Nothing external makes me happy (information technology's an inside job).

The rollercoaster of using booze to bring me upwards, always involves a coming down.

Jubilant is fun because of the new job/baby/matrimony/experience/ people/music/dancing—not the alcohol.

The French generally drink simply at meals—and, of grade, there are French people who don't drinkable. Drinking or abstaining has cipher to with moral grapheme.

Partying does not have to equate to "drinking." (I still can't believe information technology took me 52 years to come to this 1.)

Information technology'due south not alcohol that makes people fun, it'south their spirit, their humour, their willingness to dance on the table! And no, y'all don't need to exist drunk for that.

That initial morphine quality of a sip of wine can be lovely, but so is knowing how to calm and soothe myself without a substance (through meditation, animate, thinking a better thought, laughing, petting a dog, taking a walk). And there is no agitation-backlash, headache, or malaise involved.

If I have these tools to calm and soothe myself, who needs a drug to cope? And sometimes, it seems, that what I needed to cope with was the cycle of social drinking.

Four months into my drink-free run a risk, I decided to consciously, mindfully partake in some drinking. I was curious what information technology would feel like to potable once again—and to see if my time off had changed annihilation.

Over the course of two weeks, I went wine tasting, drank champagne to celebrate the release of my book, and sucked down some draft IPA. Each ane of these was a social occasion, with friends. Anybody else (even Dave) imbibed.

I never had what you could characterize as a hangover, but each time, I felt less "sparkly" for a few days. It was similar I was wearing a long dress, and someone was stepping on the train.

That'south when I realized:

I prefer not drinking.

I feel meliorate. I'm happier. I'm calmer. I honey waking up feeling good.

Who'da thunk.

Now I'thou not counting the days or months. I'one thousand only living booze-free.

"Free" being the fundamental give-and-take, considering I do feel costless.

I don't spend time thinking about if/when/where/how I volition or won't have a drink. I don't wonder if a hangover is coming tomorrow. It gets easier and easier in social situations to just say, "No thank you."

I don't intendance what anyone else does. Nosotros all take our reasons to drink or not drinkable. I spent 52 years 1 way. Now I'm living another.

Today, in this eternal now (which is all nosotros really have), I'm happily a not-drinker. That may change. If it does or it doesn't, it's okay—because I am the one in charge of my life.

~

Relephant:

If you lot're going to drink, make certain you know what's inside:

True efficiency is taking some time to be fully kickoff thing in the morning. Rushing isn't ever efficient:

~
Mindful Offer:

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~

Writer: Kate Evans

Editor: Renee Jahnke

Image: Jennifer Moore

beaverpustrythe.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/sober-for-five-months-i-drank-heres-what-happened/

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